apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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