My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
