If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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