The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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