we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
