So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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