My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize