Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
