When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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