I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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