I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
