i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
