I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
