I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
