I puked a lego.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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