He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
