he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
