I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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