u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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