apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
