Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
