I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she told me i tasted like america
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
