Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This baby is an asshole
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize