I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
