One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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