Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
