Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
