he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
