The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
