Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
