Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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