Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How external is "for external use only"?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We don't watch enough power rangers
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
