Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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