I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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