the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
