Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
