Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
