I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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