I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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