Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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