i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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