What did we do last night that was yellow?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
