Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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