Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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