he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
