redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
