why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
