After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
