miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
