the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
