:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She bit a glass in half.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
