dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
