would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
