Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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