Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
