dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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