The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
