I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well I just put wine in my tea
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
