plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
