I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
