Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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