I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
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Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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