Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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