Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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