the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
