I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
that's an acceptable place to lick
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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