Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
