dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
