TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
