ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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