as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
