He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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