Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
