So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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