and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
