shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
