Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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