I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
